As A Woman
I have needs. I have wants.
I need you to love me for me.
I need structure. I need limits.
I need respect from you.
I need to respect you.
I need to communicate better.
I need to know what my man wants.
I need to understand my man.
I need to understand the things that I understand about my man.
I need you to put your foot down and take No bullshit from me.
That doesn’t mean to get physical.
I need you to get in my head.
I need you to be patient with me.
I need to apologize.
I need you to apologize.
I need to not be the “bigger person”, but I need to be the “equal”.
I need you to understand me.
I need you to love me for me.
I need you to understand the stupid sh*t I say.
I need you to give me the look when I say something stupid.
I need you call me your princess.
I need you t water the garden, which is our relationship.
I need to water this garden as well.
I want you to love me for me.
I want you to understand the things that I do.
I want you to do everything I say (but you won’t).
I want you to be there when I feel like there is no tomorrow.
I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.
I want you to really, truly love me.
I want you to do anything and everything for me, for us.
I want to be spoiled.
I want to be yours
I want you to be mine.
I want you to make me breakfast in bed.
I want you to surprise me.
I want you to be my friend.
I want you to be a man.
I want you to be strong mentally & physically.
I want you to know that I love you even though I may not show it sometimes.
I want you to love me even though you may not feel it on some days.
I want you to love me for me.
I want you to love me “flaws and all”.
I want you to love me when I’m being the bitch.
I want you to fix me when I’m a train wreck.
(To be continued...)
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
end of the road....Update
12 More days until my days as an undergraduate student are over! I can't believe I've finally got here! Lots of work and studying but its all worth it! Things are a lil hectic right now but I'm makin it...surely.
CONGRATS to my sweety! We landed his first modeling gig! Its at the Gansevoort Hotel South Beach thanks to OI modeling (Barry Univ.) So Proud of him, and I know he's gonna be successful wherever it takes him; he's got personality, flava, and he's a hottie!! :) Great things come to those who wait, so I'm trying my best to be patient, although it drives me insane at times! We love each other and I'm here, persevering through Whatever you may throw at me! Muah! U and I will be ok babe.
So many things to do before graduation! I still have to find a dress, do my hair! Family coming in!Gotta clean the car, house, etc! Finish my senior project, finish my website! so many things! OMG!!! Its gonna be a hectic couple of days. But I'm having faith and trusting that I'll be ok. :)
TAFNow
Your Truly :)
CONGRATS to my sweety! We landed his first modeling gig! Its at the Gansevoort Hotel South Beach thanks to OI modeling (Barry Univ.) So Proud of him, and I know he's gonna be successful wherever it takes him; he's got personality, flava, and he's a hottie!! :) Great things come to those who wait, so I'm trying my best to be patient, although it drives me insane at times! We love each other and I'm here, persevering through Whatever you may throw at me! Muah! U and I will be ok babe.
So many things to do before graduation! I still have to find a dress, do my hair! Family coming in!Gotta clean the car, house, etc! Finish my senior project, finish my website! so many things! OMG!!! Its gonna be a hectic couple of days. But I'm having faith and trusting that I'll be ok. :)
TAFNow
Your Truly :)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Update!
Greetings!
All is well that ends well. Just a quick update before sleepy time. My days as an Undergrad are slowly coming to an end and I CANT BELIEVE IT!! Ahhh!!! im so anticipating the end of the school year. Lord Knows I deserve it. On another note...all is well in the land of love :) My baby loves me again!!!! :) And I love him regardless! Faith, Prayer and Patience= bliss!!
and...I cant wait to see my fam and my old roomy at graduation! Life is great and Im definitely Blessed!
Laterz!!
All is well that ends well. Just a quick update before sleepy time. My days as an Undergrad are slowly coming to an end and I CANT BELIEVE IT!! Ahhh!!! im so anticipating the end of the school year. Lord Knows I deserve it. On another note...all is well in the land of love :) My baby loves me again!!!! :) And I love him regardless! Faith, Prayer and Patience= bliss!!
and...I cant wait to see my fam and my old roomy at graduation! Life is great and Im definitely Blessed!
Laterz!!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Having/ losing faith
Things are so funny sometimes. This week, tattoos have become the subject. A friend of mine got her first tattoo. It says "Get Thee Behind Me", it's from a scripture in the bible, the book of Luke. We were talking and I was asked if I had any tattoos of my ow. I hesitated to answer, but proceeded anyway. I showed her my tattoo on the back of my neck. We chatted some more and went about our separate ways. Today (Friday) the Tyra show was on tattoos, and regretting them... etc... I was talking to a long time friend of mine and when I mentioned the show, she said that she wanted to get a tat. Again the subject of my tattoo came up and she asked me what it was. I replied "It says Faith".
Recently my faith has been challenged, fading, up and down; I find it strange that I have a personal constant reminder of how important faith is, but yet I have so much fear blocking me from truly having faith, whole-hearteldy! I just wanted to share this with you, keep having faith! Even when you're in the darkest hour, Keep the faith alive! It's hard for me, because sometimes I have doubt in my mind, but in the end, things always turn out fine!
On another note, I found this excerpt that was sent to me when my mom passed away last April. In 2 days it will be 1 year since she passed.
Grief is a lot like moving water: sometimes it’s stagnant, like a pond and it’s almost serene, so you don’t notice that it’s there. Sometimes it’s a slow and steady drip, like a faucet-you know it’s there, but it’s manageable. Sometimes it’s like a shower-steady and apparent. Sometimes it’s like a fire hose; overwhelming, but you can turn it off eventually. And sometimes it’s like the dam broke and your grief is messy, it can destroy things, and you don’t know if it will ever stop. Water pressure-like grief comes and goes depending on the day. Sometimes it depends on the time of day. But it comes and goes. For some, you’ll gravitate to the serene place. For others, you’ll always feel the steady drip of grief in your heart. And everyone will feel the dam break at some point and at that point you’ll cry, you’ll kick, you’ll scream, you’ll sob, and you might have to lather rinse repeat this process for a long time, but it’s different for everyone. Grief eventually freezes up in the wintertime of your sorrow into its own unique snowflake for lack of better explanation.
Recently my faith has been challenged, fading, up and down; I find it strange that I have a personal constant reminder of how important faith is, but yet I have so much fear blocking me from truly having faith, whole-hearteldy! I just wanted to share this with you, keep having faith! Even when you're in the darkest hour, Keep the faith alive! It's hard for me, because sometimes I have doubt in my mind, but in the end, things always turn out fine!
On another note, I found this excerpt that was sent to me when my mom passed away last April. In 2 days it will be 1 year since she passed.
Grief is a lot like moving water: sometimes it’s stagnant, like a pond and it’s almost serene, so you don’t notice that it’s there. Sometimes it’s a slow and steady drip, like a faucet-you know it’s there, but it’s manageable. Sometimes it’s like a shower-steady and apparent. Sometimes it’s like a fire hose; overwhelming, but you can turn it off eventually. And sometimes it’s like the dam broke and your grief is messy, it can destroy things, and you don’t know if it will ever stop. Water pressure-like grief comes and goes depending on the day. Sometimes it depends on the time of day. But it comes and goes. For some, you’ll gravitate to the serene place. For others, you’ll always feel the steady drip of grief in your heart. And everyone will feel the dam break at some point and at that point you’ll cry, you’ll kick, you’ll scream, you’ll sob, and you might have to lather rinse repeat this process for a long time, but it’s different for everyone. Grief eventually freezes up in the wintertime of your sorrow into its own unique snowflake for lack of better explanation.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Good Stuff!
Listening for Love
By Jayne Fisher
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words I love you. So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say take care or don’t drive too fast or be good.
But really, these are just other ways of saying I love you. You are important to me, I care what happens to you, and I don’t want you to get hurt all mean I love you. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, I believe we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I love you even though the words might be saying something very different.
Any expression of a persons concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love, which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
We have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence. It goes: Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence... It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize. Just listen!
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words I love you. So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say take care or don’t drive too fast or be good.
But really, these are just other ways of saying I love you. You are important to me, I care what happens to you, and I don’t want you to get hurt all mean I love you. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, I believe we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments, which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says I love you even though the words might be saying something very different.
Any expression of a persons concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that it contains.
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even harshly. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness.
Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love, which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
We have to force ourselves to really listen for love. The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don’t listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
Simon and Garfunkel wrote that very haunting song, The Sound of Silence. It goes: Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking; people hearing without listening; people writing songs that voices never shared, because no one dared disturb the sound of silence... It is a terrifying picture of our modern world, a world without communication and without love.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize. Just listen!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Anything is Possible
I know another cord...
I gotta find peace of mind
See, this what that voice in your head says
When you try to get peace of mind...
I gotta find peace of mind, I gotta find peace of mind
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says there's no me without him, please help me forget about him
He takes all my energy, trapped in my memory
Constantly holding me, constantly holding me
I need to tell you all, all the pain he's caused, mmmm
I need to tell I'm, I'm undone because, mmmm
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says it's impossible without him, but I know it's possible
To finally be in love, and know the real meaning of
A lasting relationship, not based on ownership
I trust every part of you, cuz all that I... All that you say you do
You love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myself
I just can't believe that you, would have anything to do
With someone so insecure, someone so immature
Oh you inspire me, to be the higher me
You made my desire pure, you made my desire pure
Just tell me what to say, I can't find the words to say
Please don't be mad with me, I have no identity
All that I've known is gone, all I was building on
I don't wanna walk with you, how do I talk to you
Touch my mouth with your hands, touch my mouth with your hands
Oh I wanna understand, the meaning of your embrace
I know now I have to face, the temptations of my past
Please don't let me disgrace, where my devotion lays
Now that I know the truth, now that it's no excuse
Keeping me from your love, what was I thinking of?
Holding me from your love, what was I thinking of?
You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behind
You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behind
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says it's improbable, but I know it's tangeable
He says it's not grabbable, but I know it's haveable
Cuz anything's possible, oh anything is possible
Please come free my mind, please come meet my mind
Can you see my mind, oh
Won't you come free my mind?
Oh I know it's possible
Anything, anything, anything, anything, anything, yeeey
Anything, anything, anything, anything, yeeey
Anything, anything, anything, anything, anything, yeeey
Oh free! Free, free, free your mind
Free, free your mind... free, free your mind
Free, free, free, free your mind
Oh, it's so possible, oh it's so possible
I'm telling you it's possible, I'm telling you it's possible
Free, free... free, free... free, free... get free now
Free, free... free, free, free, free... free, free
You're my peace of mind, that old me is left behind
You're my peace of mind, you're my peace of mind
He's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mind
He's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mind
What a joy it is to be alive
To get another chance, yeah
Everyday's another chance
To get it right this time
Everyday's another chance
Oh what a merciful, merciful, merciful God
Oh what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful God
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter Weekend
Hola! I had a really GREAT Easter weekend. I surprised B'nana with an awesome Easter basket! Needless to say she love it, )even though it wasn't "organic chocolate"lol. I also made a great Easter basket for Emmy! It was so hard to hold in my surprises all week though!!! I delivered my goodies on saturday and also went to see "Why did I get married too"! Great movie about love and relationships, what works and doesnt work.
On Sunday, Emmy and I Went to a waterpark!! OMG! What a blast we had! I know I lost at least 5lbs. and Toned up my legs and arms, Great place! Cant wait to go again! Minus the cuts and bruises I got, (because I'm accident prone) I had a Wonderful time and Emmy Totally Enjoyed himself! He just kept going like the energizer bunny! Now time to get ready for school! Another week is coming!! AHHHHH! I cant believe these weeks went by so quickly!!
Caio!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Finding Inner Peace. I Love me
Happy Easter to ALL!
Hope you have had a blessed day. I am feeling so "chipper" today... lol. Yes I said chipper. the days here in SF are so beautiful and sunny. It makes me so happy!
I'm feeling so blessed lately. And I'm so thankful to God for his love and support through this difficult time in my life. I have been feeling a lot better lately and I thinks it's because Im finding peace within myself. I have some awesome girlfriends!! I've been writing and reasoning and reading, and getting input, and I realize that its so easy to lose yourself in a relationship sometimes. You're so caught up in the other person, that you may not even realize whats happening. Your attitude and behavior may be slowly changing, and you don't even know it. I'm sad that things happened the way they did, and I wish I could turn it all around and make everything 2million times better, but I can't. Only time will tell what is to be. And with a love like ours, I don't think my heart will ever stray. When you truly love someone, It will never die.
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